Have been feeling pretty useless lately. Am getting all the everyday things (and more) done, there is not too much backlog, reference and presentations are in shape, life isn't exactly flipping out of order as yet. Still, have been feeling empty and useless. As if i were some third person, watching me go through the motions dispassionately. Not really getting anything done. Static, stagnant, as if if i were to die tomorrow, it wouldn't matter. It's not like i'm sad...i got over that last week. Now i'm pretty happy, but it feels like i'm hanging on to something and if i let myself let go of it, there will be a crash. I have always lived in fear of the crash. I don't know if it can be worse than some things i may have been through in the past. But somehow i don't have the guts to jump over to that other side. Maybe thats why i'm feeling useless. I don't have much use for me.