Maybe the Buddha was right.
Sometimes you feel so absolutely utterly despicibly insignificant.It is not relative when you see what apogees another has touched and where you have been left behind.It is when you realise that if you were to die or disappear tomorrow, it would make no difference to the world.Or anybody in it.
Must we always need to be needed?Is it only when someone can die so you live, that existence translates into life?But then what kind of life is it that is based solely on incessant assurance?
Perhaps the Middle Path DOES make sense.But i cannot get myself to look at it in any way save as an escape route.I want the roller-coaster ride.The trouble is i suddenly don't want it when it is in full throttle.
It is a sickening feeling...when you want something so bad that you remain unsatiated even long after you have got it.
And then there are those you love so much that you hate them if they change anything you love about them.And then you begin to doubt your abilities to love.Worse, you refrain from loving again.Another extremism, another part of you numbed.
There are no answers to this because no answers are desired.Sometimes we like to revel in our misery, and an answer would only ruin the fun.
1 Comments:
hello.
this question haunts me often too. but something a variety of individuals told me caught my ear. they said "one can never stop loving an individual. one can, though, love another". it is of extreme importance. i have been insisting, of late, that love isnot necessarily given out in parts. as you widen your arms to embrace more people, nobody gets left out, but, inexplicably, your arms grow longer and more people fall under their shadow. to be able to love someone so completely is a splendid experience the first time. if you find a second love, it is the kind of good luck fate is not always kind enough to shower upon us.
another thing on love that i stumbled on in my own heart in an online conversation (with biwi). i discovered that it will be wonderful to be loved as a little boy, but not one millionth as good as getting to love the little girls that are hiding behind women these days...
am an unshakeable romantic. but it leads me to a quasi-heaven on earth, where even suffering is an elixir.
s'long
partho
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