Funny

Two things screwed me over today, and it's funny how this happened. One had to do with lies. The other had to do with telling the truth. Sometimes i feel i am not built for relationships. Screwing them up comes frightfully easy to me. I mean, one would think there needs be some effort in accomplishing something. Sometimes i don't even have to try.

I am trying to look inward to find the chink because i do know that's where it is. I cannot tell for sure yet whether it is projection or denial or terrible communication skills or fear or a simple lack of courage or a composite of them all and more. But i'm trying very hard to look at that previous post and derive some solace from it in the meanwhile. I know it is true. I just don't see it right now. As i don't see a lot of things.

Sometimes while talking about what i like best to talk about i tell people that taking one step backward as a reaction to taking two steps forward still ends you up one step ahead. It's how i like to put the Rogerian views i'v come to believe in. This has got to be the step backward. I had found strength somewhere for a little while. I didn't know i have to keep working to keep it.

"Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. "

- Carl Jung