"Everything takes care of itself."

It's been quite a downer day so far but i think it will start looking up because its amusing, the sheer play of it all. For one, i can't really afford to mull and wallow because there's a lot of work to be done. On the other hand, this work happens to be studying absurd theatre with all it's notions of existential angst and pointlessness and the sense of being cheated into life and living and all that, which is exactly what i feel like mulling over and wallowing in. Everything takes care of itself.

Then there is Grapes Of Wrath to read and Grapes of Wrath is an impossibly commie book but it's also impossibly idealistic and that is the world i want to live in just now. I'm not being terribly intelligent about this i know, but the heart wants what it wants (which is an excuse i allow myself to use not very often) and what the hell, i'm gonna play along with Steinbeck because he carries me into that world and i know its a world that can't really work but i'm happy while im in it or while it lasts, whichever happens first. Heh. Sounds familiar.

Besides, in a selfish way, reading about the Joad family and their struggles for the most basic things puts things in perspective for me. Especially today. When you read about folks who have to pick peach all day to earn 2 dollars and then feed a whole family with it, you kinda feel foolish about moping over the meaning of life and all that, You feel grateful. Maybe thats why reading Grapes of Wrath always makes me feel hungry, and then guilty about doing something about that hunger. Coz i can. And still iv found a way to go and worry about something. And realising that (for the millionth, the zillionth time) , i feel better. Everything takes care of itself.

And i discussed it with Achintya in vague terms and he reiterated that joy and pain cannot but lead to each other, and it's such commonsense, but once again i'd overlooked it, and i came away braver, because i figured that i can choose to fear the joy coz it'll lead me to the pain leading to the joy leading to the pain, or i can choose to welcome the pain coz it'll lead me to the joy leading to the pain leading to the joy. And it was so simple. And it reminded me of the time i came across another simple line that had to be thrown into my face one time under similar circumstances, when Dick Diver says in Tender is the Night that a single failure mustn't be mistaken for a final defeat.

Everything takes care of itself. It was a line Netra had doodled at the bottom of a rough sheet that happened to come away with me when we were working together on the LoveStudy. I'd grinned when i'd noticed it then, but it keeps coming back to me today as i realise each of the aforementioned things. And it really does take care of everything.

Prayer from Unknown Source. Or Known.

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who hate, and let that love embrace you as you go out into the world. May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those whose lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than the form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time each day to see beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another's judgment of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.