2 years later

I am still excited about living with myself :)

It's a funny thing, having to live with yourself. Well, actually it's not funny in itself, in itself it is the most normal thing there should be in a way that it couldn't get normal-ler than that. What's funny is how people go about doing it. It seems to me that the 'normal' way to go about it is to fool yourself into believing you are living with yourself while all the time neither the person living nor the one they're living with is you. And i don't think it's a matter of awareness. I have a feeling that even when one IS aware of this cohabitation of the aliens, one is hardly shocked, because one knows this is 'normal'.

Which brings me to the question - do you lead your life or does your life lead you? one friend said that you let life lead you (not like you have a choice) all the while pretending that it is you who is doing the leading. At a certain level, that would either make you a hypocrite or a really stupid person. At another level, there is a yearning for a bit of harmony between the two (i mean between you and your life, not being a hypocrite and being stupid)so that both want to walk the same path anyway, and then it is no matter as to who leads whom. that, i suppose, would be asking for too much.

Too many people i know and have cherished are allowing themselves to just follow a life script. there is zero resistence and, on the contrary, there is an eagerness to get on with it. suddenly there are these blinders they're looking through, and all they can see is that there is this path they have to tread, and they won't even allow themselves to dare to look around. Because, by looking around, they may discover greener meadows, but lonely ones. But the best part is that is it all so NORMAL. nothing revolts inside them. if it does, something stronger supresses the uprising. And so there they are, deliriously happy on this scripted journey through life, having to face none of the conflicts or misgivings that one in the open meadows might throw at them.

It's so tempting to just sit back and allow yourself to be led by life. What terrifies me, however, is that one day, when i open those fancy carriage curtains, i might discover that he life i was being led by wasn't my life at all.