Today

Husky

"The voice of the husky in the snow

was hoarse, packed with loss

like snow that never melts.

Paw prints that the wind blew

over, an old love letter,

fierce, ice-tight, blast.

If you'd never started out

wishing in the white, white snow

you'd never be here now, howling, lost."

Funny

Two things screwed me over today, and it's funny how this happened. One had to do with lies. The other had to do with telling the truth. Sometimes i feel i am not built for relationships. Screwing them up comes frightfully easy to me. I mean, one would think there needs be some effort in accomplishing something. Sometimes i don't even have to try.

I am trying to look inward to find the chink because i do know that's where it is. I cannot tell for sure yet whether it is projection or denial or terrible communication skills or fear or a simple lack of courage or a composite of them all and more. But i'm trying very hard to look at that previous post and derive some solace from it in the meanwhile. I know it is true. I just don't see it right now. As i don't see a lot of things.

Sometimes while talking about what i like best to talk about i tell people that taking one step backward as a reaction to taking two steps forward still ends you up one step ahead. It's how i like to put the Rogerian views i'v come to believe in. This has got to be the step backward. I had found strength somewhere for a little while. I didn't know i have to keep working to keep it.

"Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. "

- Carl Jung